My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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