Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
