Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
