You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
