Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Panties = found
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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