Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
