Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
