apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
