Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
