Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
