Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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