Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize