I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
