My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
