i already hear my dad disowning me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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