"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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