I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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