Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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