I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize