Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
