i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
