You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
