He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
