i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
