someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
