I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
