btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
