Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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