I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
