i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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