I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
