So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
grandma shit on top of the toilet
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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