i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
