my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
