why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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