As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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