Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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