playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
