kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
