Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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