I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
