My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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