he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
