i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
