kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
