so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize