Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
