you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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