Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Let's paint friendship bongs
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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