I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
