pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize