Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
