guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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