I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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