Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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