the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
