Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
