I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
