What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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