Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
