I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
