His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize