BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
