when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
