i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
