i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
