the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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