every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
